SO my ex- boss’s mom died of cancer this week.
I think she may have been relatively recently diagnosed because of the obituary (they called it a short illness), but I’m not sure.
It was breast cancer. this is number 4 or 5 out of people I know that have/ have had breast cancer.
This is fucked up.
And it’s really been bumming me out. Death always bums me out, but cancer deaths bum me out especially.
I don’t know what said ex-boss is going through, since my cancer deaths have not been my mom.
but I know the feeling of losing someone to cancer. it feels like you’ve been jilted.
One person I lost to cancer was my little brother. brain cancer.
Do you want to know a secret, tumblr?
I’m a little drunk and it’s been eating away at me for over a decade.
a little while before my baby brother was diagnosed with brain cancer, maybe a couple months, maybe longer, maybe shorter, I don’t remember because it was so long ago, I dropped him on his head.
My mom kept setting off the fire alarm and I decided to take him outside just in case.
And I dropped him on his head because he was squirming.
I’ve never seen the MRIs. I don’t know where the tumor was. I’m pretty sure that it was not in the area that hit the door mat. I still feel guilty. More importantly, I feel that we all lost someone who could have changed the world. someone who would have changed me, at the very least. And whether it’s my fault or not, I feel robbed of an experience that could have made my life a bit less tragic. FUCK CANCER.
Knowing that my ex boss and his family are going through this breaks my heart. it’s their mom as opposed to their little brother. That’s a million times worse. I can’t even imagine my mom dying (I have repeatedly told her she’s not allowed to die… so far, so good). FUCK CANCER.
I didn’t go the the wake. I’m not going to go to the funeral.
On one hand, I feel like shit for this. On the other hand, I know that at one point I mentioned my obsession with funerals to my ex boss (I have a specific sweater for them). I don’t know if he remembers me talking about how much I love funerals, but I sincerely hope he does and understands my absence is an act of respect.
If he doesn’t, that’s ok too. I totally forgot to find a ride. I did actually intend to make it to the mass.
In conclusion, FUCK CANCER.
